UMMISHAHIRAH

Saturday, February 20, 2016

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE

Bismillah. Assalamualaikum.



Its been a long while since i wrote something in this. I cant remember how long did I abandon this blog. Banyak sebenarnya nak tulis sebelum ni tapi tak tertulis. Dekat draf pun banyak post tapi tu la malas nak publish sebab semua macam tak lengkap. Masa cuti hari tu I'd spend two days changing the template and yet i didnt have chance to finish it sebab tu la macam hodoh+ simple gila (kecuali header) haha sebab header ada orang tolong buatkan ecehhh :))

Okay I got no time for ranting the nonsense haha so this post act is birthday shoutout to someone who always remain number 1 for me, someone special before and ever. My first love :')

20 February. Tarikh ni dari awal bulan hari tu rasa macam kalau teringat tu pasti tak mampu tahan mata. Tambah pulak sejak dua tiga minggu ni rasa rindu dia tu lebih siket (eh bukan sebelum ni tak rindu cuma kali ni rindu nya luar biasa)


20 years ago, Allah pinjamkan aku seorang ayah yang sangat besar impaknya dalam kehidupan aku sampai sekarang. Tapi masa dulu kecik kecik i'd always be a troublemaker (since im the second yes nakal tu teruk siket).Until OKTOBER 2008. 25 oktober abah pergi untuk selamanya bc of liver failure (sebelum ni dah lama sakit tapi tak teruk). Masa tu dekat hospital hari sabtu tak silap lepas ma bagitau abah dah takde I looked at the window and whisper to myself " Abah dah takde untuk rai kejayaan aku nanti".
We went home and masa tu aku macam speechless sebab entah la blank gila duduk sesorang atas sofa, ayah datang (another ayah) dia duduk sebelah and told me that im not alone, "ayah ada lagi untuk angah, ramai lagi ada jangan nangis" and hugged me. Time tu ramai datang, sedara, kawan, cikgu, jiran and i'd never had a chance to thanks them for coming. Act moment saat tu tak ingat sangat sebab masa tu rasa macam everything was over for me. Masa tu fikir dah jadi anak yatim macam mana lepas ni apa haluan lepas ni i got no idea macam mana nak sambung kehidupan ( aah masa tu kecik lagi 12 tahun tak matang lansung huhu)

Then sampai kebumi hari tu adalah the first day i cried non stop sampai kepala rasa macam nak pecah (hiperbola haha). Dan since that day aku terpaksa berlakon kuat (i'd never cried in front of my mom since then) And from that day, bermulalah satu kehidupan yang sangat berliku ups and down (baca gaya exid lol) Banyak sangat la menda berlaku that i decided to keep it to myself :')

To be honest the reason im here now is all because of my dad (yes dengan izin Allah la)
Okay sebenarnya masuk imtiaz pun sebab janji abah sebenanya (in fact i hate memorising srsly haha) tapi tu la nasib dapat endure all the things and grad.
Tapi sepanjang sekolah banyak kali rasa nak quit sebab semua hardship masa tu yela masa tu baru sekejap hilang tempat bergantung.

------( okay i think i rambling too much that my ayat is not even properly arrange anymore haha)---

So to conclude la, this post is to remind myself that I once loved my father so much and I will continue to do so until forever. Fist love kan. Abah akan selalu ada dalam special place in my heart that I will never forget until my last breath.

Remember when I used to follow him on the landrover and went to his work (even in the jungle) lol
Sekarang kalau jumpa kawan abah rindu tu selalu sangat datang dan tak terungkap sebab I never talk with mom and tell her how much I miss you :') Kalau ma buka topik pasal abah pun I choose to stay silent sebab I cant cry in front of her for missing you so bad,
And tipula kalau cakap tak pernah jealous dengan orang lain yang masih ada ayah lagi lagi time temu murni, solat hajat and so on.
And tipula kalau tak pernah bayangkan macamana kalau abah masih ada sekarang. How I wish I could be a good daughter now.
Tapi takdir Allah tu la yang terbaik.

All in all, I never had a chance to say I love you but I know you already know that. I miss you and will continue to miss you every second in my life. Moga ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. I will always pray for you dan moga kita dapat jumpa di syurga nanti (I never forget your face, voice) I love you abah. I miss you too  much tht im crying non stop now. (huhu)
Tenanglah abah di sana. Al-Fatihah :'))


I wrote this post several time and deleted since I dont knowwhich part should i spill im sorry for my bad writing on this one. I may delete this post later.